She is worth far more than rubies...
~~~~~~~~~~~

Innocence. Simplicity. Purity of heart. What is it? Have I lost it? Or do I have it still? Is it worth all the work? And do these amazing, solid guys really exist out there- the ones your Sunday School teachers tell you about, the ones who value it, who know it when they see it? The ones whose taste in women extends beyond style and beauty into character and spirit? (Well, obviously there are, as I just spoke the aforementioned scenario confirmed, but are there any who are single? Call me!)

Just kidding. However, I'm sure I've eliminated all possibilities of any flattering February phone calls, as I've just let you all in on the shallow and petty illogic that goes on inside my mind- entertaining, for the briefest, tiniest moments, the idea that spiritual maturity could be just one great quality to list on my "hubby-hunting" resume. Oh, sin. We're dumb that way.

Alright. Back to the point. The REAL point.

The crappy feeling of waking up to find that my values and standards have become far more transitory than I'd wanted to believe, and holding one's ground in this world is no simple task. Wherever I go in life, it seems each new social group I meet aims to set a new "standard" for what is right; what is acceptable, what is cool, and more importantly, what is unacceptable, what is uncool. And slowly, but surely, I can bend myself slightly to become someone slightly different, still me, but this time a little harder, a little wittier or coarser, a little less vulnerable.

Why do we try so hard to harden ourselves? Why do we see jaded, street-wise pessimism as desirable? You know why? Because we've stuck our necks out and been "soft" before, and it didn't go well.

However, the Path that we are on demands something entirely different of us. Openness, softness, and vulnerability. If you can't handle it, run while you still can. I know people who are running hard and fast right now because standing still would "feel so stupid". And that's their prerogative- It's their life. But it may be the death of them.

Are there still those out there who care about what is Godly? Are we those people? Are we living like that? Or have I, have you, have we slipped into the most convenient compromise we can lay our hands on, sometimes slowly, sometimes easily, but always under the delusion that it will be "worth it".

Hmmm... I'm sounding preachy. I don't mean to. Obviously, the only reason I'm writing about this is because it's been on my own heart and mind. I've changed so much since high school, the days of Russell and my home church. Some changes, I think, have been good. But have others hindered more than they've helped? In my attempts to learn and to grow, have I become more worldly, more compromised, and more jaded? Has all this change really brought me no closer to my heart's Desire?

Yes, there is more to life than Sunday School answers. Questions and doubts, challenges and ideas are good, everyone tells us, but what people forget to mention is that what lies on the other side of them is of utmost importance- the answers that you find. The conclusions that you reach. In all our searching out of answers, meaning, and "ourselves", it all ultimately boils down to what we find. Who we find, and to Whom we run to to seek solace when we find that we have still found nothing at all.

We're kidding ourselves sometimes. We seek such grand ideas, such lofty lifestyles, when in reality, there is nothing more profound than this- to know Him and to be known by Him. To lay aside foolish postulating and to instead search within ourselves not for answers, but for faith. To search the heart of Someone Else and sink in deep into His words, His mandates, and His views, and not our own for once. It could not be more "worth it".

Once we get over ourselves we realize that there is nothing better. There has never been.

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge;
Fools despise wisdom and instruction.

The strangest things keep happening to me in the wee hours of my Saturday nights. Or maybe it's a Stir after-effect; the two events don't seem related, but I must admit, there is a correlation between attending Stir and later being whisked into some alternate universe (for clarification, I am not talking about drug use).

My last post referenced my spur-of-the-moment abduction to the fair province of Ontario, a caper which began when I arrived home at 3AM and had me on a plane 9 hrs later. This time, however, the events began to unfold at about 1:30 and ran through pretty well all the useable hours of Sunday as well.

On this occasion, I had apparently begun to gain confidence in my cooking skills after not poisoning anyone at my uncle's place. So I thought, what could be better than inviting my dear, happily coupled friends Jonny and Chantal over for some supper, a movie, and a visit before hitting up Stir at Riverwood? And so that's just what we did. That evening, after arriving home from a great evening of fun and fellowship, or kith and cup, as Stir was entitled, I do what I often do when I shouldn't and signed onto MSN. I was soon greeted by a barrage of guilt-tripping and (what I thought were idle) threats by one of those EisBrenner folks- you know, the funny-looking one? Blonde, needs a haircut? Apparently David and his side-kick Jeremy were quite offended that I had left them out of the evening's festivities (despite having plans and maybe even lives of their own) and decided that they would no longer suffer the insult!

Alright, assigning blame where blame is due, I may have baited them. However, I was quite surprised at 2AM to hear the sound of cans or snow-chunks hitting my windows (apparently the dumpster outside my window is good for more than just aesthetics) and to open my blinds to the giddy faces of the dangerous duo themselves, David and Jeremy.

They had come to inflict on me what I call punishment and they call "Constructive Redemptive Measures", and some would call torture... namely, to sit me through several episodes of the strangest cartoon ever created, Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law. Between Birdman and the joy that is watching my closed-circuit security network (don't judge me- it's funner than it sounds! Though no less creepy...) many hours passed. And many more. Eventually David crashed. Stupidly, Jeremy and I did not, but rather stayed awake, riveted to the sight of my front door.

At some point morning officially came, and then what was there to do but to make breakfast? And then, really, it's quite difficult to make church when you're in such a sleep-deprived state. So that plan went out the window. Time marched on, and with the help of coffee I became rejuvenated enough to not kick those crazy boys out until they'd had some supper, which made them happy 'cause they got the leftovers from the affair that started this all. And then finally, we realized we had things to do and places to be (well, not me, because I was already at home and it was Sunday evening already). And so, 20 hours later, the boys headed their separate ways, and there was peace. There was quiet. There was exhaustion. And then Kelly crashed.

Whatever imagined offense I committed, I'm nearly positive I've paid my dues. And, as usual, I've contrived a short list of "life lessons" that we can all glean from yet another Kelly spectacle, in an attempt to make my messy and unconventional life have meaning.

Things we can all learn from this:

1. Don't enter into playful banter with people on MSN unless you know them very, very well and can predict their actions and responses reasonably and consistently. If not, they may show up at your door at unthinkable hours and you will spend the next 20 hours getting to know them very, very well.

2. Even if you think that your actions in life are perfectly justified and can be well-understood by any reasonable other, just remember: not all others are reasonable. Take precautions accordingly.

3. If you're going to have unexpected visitors at 2AM, you're DEFINITELY going to need a closed-circuit security camera!

4. If weird things like this ever happen to you- call me. I will be of absolutely no use in terms of prevention techniques, or strategies for stray boy removal, but I will definitely be able to commiserate! Plus, I am never one to judge.

Well, it was, as some lame movie says, "surreal but nice" to have Jeremy and David over for such a long time. Actually, they're pretty fun guys, once you get past their inexplicable love for Birdman (and each other)- hanging with them was quite the experience. And now, ideally, they'll be off my back for some time now, until they perceive some other offense that I'm sure I'll commit against them in the near future. But hey- don't worry about me. I've got a closed-circuit security channel and I know how to use it!