Mommy Boot Camp
"So this is a story all about how my life got twist-turned upside down..." - The Fresh Prince, Sir William Smith
(just kidding about the Sir part)
Hello all....
So I have been receiving some interesting e-mails over the last few days, ranging from those referencing the fact that I have stopped answering the phone, to those accusing me of blowing off my previously arranged social outings. People, people- hold up! There's a perfectly good explanation for all this!
I've been abducted.
Well, that might sound like a bit of a stretch, but it sure felt like it. It happened like so:
After the STIR potluck on Saturday I ended up hanging out with a friend, which resulted in me arriving home at the wee little hour of three AM. On my way to my bed for some much-needed ZZZ's, I happened to glance over at my answering machine, which was displaying an ominously blinking "4". Hmmmm..... FOUR whole messages? That's so unusual! We're usually so unloved! And FOUR whole messages that Heidi missed and didn't happen to check? My curiosity was piqued, and I unknowingly unleashed the chain of events that would lead to my abduction.
3 messages from my mom, and 1 from my uncle later, and I was waking my mother up at the unholy hour of 3AM (which she NEVER lets me do!) to discuss the mayhem in which I was about to find myself. As it had happened, my aunt who lives in Ontario had needed to go and be with her father, who was quite sick and for whom this week might be the last. This left my uncle with 3 kids and a full-time job. Which just isn't gonna work. Oh yeah, and he leaves for a business trip on Saturday... in Germany.
He was ready and more than eager to have me on the next plane out to Ontario, which was leaving in less than 9 hours, to be an impromptu mom/nanny for the week. Problem: I have no licence. I was stupid enough to let mine lapse and, apparently, you can't fix that at 5AM on a Sunday morning. "Not a deal-breaker," my uncle insisted, "besides, you won't have a vehicle anyways." Alright. So, 6 hours later, instead of being en-route to Riverwood's second service, I was en route to the Winnipeg airport, on 3 hours of sleep and jacked up on coffee.
[Note: I think I've been borrowing a page from Julienne's book, as I had been idly wondering what I should do with my week; with exams over, I had no excuse to stick around in Winnipeg (other than my thrilling social life), and yet I had this nagging concern that going home so early in December might be a recipe for disaster, as at this stage in my quirky life I think I might be easier to love from a distance. Without the mess and disaster that constantly surrounds me. My mother thinks otherwise, but give her 2 weeks with me, and we'll see who's sick of who.
ANYWAYS, apparently idle wondering sounds dangerously like prayer (especially aloud), and so God solved my "what to do this week" problem in His most unconventional manner yet.]
My life for the past three days has pretty much been the equivalent of Mommy Boot Camp. Rigorous. And challenging. With early mornings. I mean early mornings. As in between 6-6:30 (at this point, if you know me very well at all, you're not even reading because you're too busy rolling around with laughter at me and screaming "THERE IS JUSTICE IN THE UNIVERSE!" if you happen to have it out for me for something).
And cooking. I've been cooking. Oh, the things I've cooked. So far it's been pot roast and meatloaf. Both of them turned out pretty well to my wonder and amazement! Although that doesn't mean the kids will eat them...
Speaking of kids... who are they?
Well, first up, we have Ben, the eldest at 7-going-on-8-this-month. He's in grade 2. Ben is a strong-willed child, who is, for all intents and purposes, a vegetarian, as his circle of liked and edible foods continues to dwindle on a weekly basis (though, apparently he eats chicken nuggets). Solution? Milk with egg-yolks sneakily mixed in, seeds, nuts, and toast... lots of toast.
Then we have the twins, William and Leah, who are 4, in junior kindergarten, and, let's be honest.... adorable.
William has pretty much the biggest and cutest eyes I've ever seen, and he can work it. He's pretty much the only person who actually EATS all of the fantastic meals I've been whipping up, and still goes for seconds. He's also the one who unknowingly has me in stitches with some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth.
As heard Monday morning over breakfast dishes: "I always have my cereal. Even on Chinese New Years." (you're going to need to imagine that said in the most solemn and informative manner, and with all those R's sounding like W's. Yeah, NOW you get it. Awwww!)
And on Tuesday afternoon while I was mixing up some meatloaf.
Me- "I bet your mom makes a pretty mean meatloaf."
William- "Yeah... without looking on the computer!"
(Alright, so it's a sign of my generation that I google recipes... sue me!)
And then there's the dear and darling Leah, the other half of the dangerous duo. She... reminds me a lot of me. Or how I imagine, and all reports confirm, I was as a kid. She's always got her nose in a book, although she can't read. But that doesn't stop her from reproducing the general gist of the pages, with some colorful variations and an adorably business-like tone. She tends to eat fairly well, although on Tuesday I made the oh-so-fatal error of putting her meatloaf too close to her rice, not knowing that "separation is key". This resulted in my meatloaf getting the cold shoulder from 2 out of 3 cousins, although Ben wasn't even really a contender. Whatever, I thought it was hella tight. 1
Anyways, all three of them are pretty darn good kids, and if there's anyone you should be concerned about, it's me. Although, yesterday was the big day... Kelly on her own from morning till night. No dad to help with bedtime and reading and brushing teeth and tucking in. It was all me. (Dad, or Uncle David rather, had to work late.)
Surprisingly enough, the day went off without a hitch. No big fights over homework; no big fights at all, actually! Supper was, in my opinion, an unparalleled success, as everyone ate more than milk and there were no glaring errors in my food preparation or plating choices, which is borderline miraculous, as trying to navigate the food preferences of my cousins is, as my uncle describes it, a minefield.
Having, in my humble opinion, passed this ever-essential life-skills test, I can only reflect on the day's work, and echo my mother's wise words that children are, indeed, the best birth control. That's right folks, you read it here first: I don't plan on spawning any young Kellylings in the immediate-to-near future. But it's good to know that when they say "little anklebiters" they aren't being literal- I don't think.
The moral of this story is: kids are wonderful, entertaining, and a blessing. But do not awaken love until it so desires. Or you'll have them running around sooner than you know what to do with them. Which is fine for a week, but let's not go biting off more than we can chew just yet.
Everything in time. For me, my week in mommying will soon be coming to a close, and I look forward to returning to the university student lifestyle I know and love, which consists of sleeping through every morning religiously, microwaved food, being too poor to eat meat, and my pesky roommate (who's the closest thing to a child I have!)
It's now time to go pick up William and Leah from school, so that's all for me. In conclusion, keep your pants on, folks! 2
~Kelly in Ontario
2 Unless, of course, you are happily married, and it's that extra-special time in your life. In that case, feel free to go nuts with the babymaking!
11:40 AM
Geez, Kelly! *blush*.
Glad you're learning important life-lessons over there, although I have to say I'm kind of weirded out by your brilliant idea of putting... egg yolk in milk? Bleugh...
I have a cousin who is 11 and still eats only chicken nuggets, plain white rice, and buns. Do your darndest to break those habits now, when they're at such a critical age!! Now is the time to intervene! It's time for the pre-emptive strike! Go, go, go!! top
12:58 PM
Here I go, commenting on my own blog... it's your fault Julie.. you started it!
Anyways, just to clear up the picture, from all wierd and unconventional nannying technique questions, the egg-yolk in milk (chocolate milk, to be exact) combination was not my invention. Apparently mainlining egg-yolk through milk is the only way to get protein into him.
I'm not trying to change the world here; I've got enough on my hands. But yes, I'm all for less-picky eaters in this world. (Of course, I'm conveniently forgetting my more choosy days, also known as the days of "Kelly's Compart-a-mentalized Stomach"... let's just say the mashed potato compartment was quite tiny-to-nonexistent, while the french fry compartment was inexplicably large. Oh, my poor mother.) top
2:16 PM
I'm sorry, to Julie and all others, if my "baby-making" commments have fallen on sensitive ears. Perhaps in the future I'll just defer to using subtle euphemisms, such as my all-time favorite, "baking cookies" (brought to you by Dauphin Bible Camp)... although that could conceivably cause some unnecessary confusion in future posts.
And yes, I know, I know. Hanging with the 10-and-under crowd is making me... wierd. My apologies. top
2:44 PM
No more cookie baking here as there's no more chocolate chips in the dough since that little trip to the doctor a couple of years ago.
(There. Now your comments don't seem NEARLY so bad. Always got your back!)
ANYWAY. I humbly apologize for whatever role Stir played in you starting this adventure in a sleep-deprived state.
Cheers,
Greg
p.s. Sorry as well to those reading this who will henceforth never eat chocolate chip cookies again. top
3:39 PM
oh kelly... number one, since no one every calls for me at our apartment, I check the answering machine merely if I am bored or am expecting someone to call. Also, it was what, 1 or 2 in the morning when I got back?! The answering machine can... usually... wait a few more hours while I get my beauty rest. Anyways, moral of that, I will in the future check the messages... at least I'll try. Secondly, I am not going to even get into the "child" comment... the things I could say may not be appropriate for a public blog such as this... haha! top
7:01 PM
Wow, I was just joking about being offended your baby-making comments, Kelly, but I really am NEVER going to eat another chocolate-chip cookie in my life again, thanks to Greg...
Euphemisms ARE extraordinary, aren't they. top
11:40 AM
Okay, I thought I was coming here to comment about a hilarious blog with footnotes, no less. But apparently Kelly has comedy comment contenders!
Incidently, I've been married 17 years and have no cookies in the jar. top
5:54 PM
What's this? No Survivor summary yet? I've come to expect more from you... top